Perspectives

Surrogacy: A Love Story, Part Four

 

Hello, friends. Here’s the fourth part of our new series by writer Kelly Weiss Rogondino, who is generously sharing her personal journey with us. Read on for a powerful and candid look at the effects of cancer and the challenges and rewards of surrogacy. 

 

 

My eggs were retrieved on April 15, 2009.  Before I went under anesthesia, I heard a nurse telling the woman in recovery next to me, that they had retrieved 14 eggs from her.  I didn’t know the significance of that number until I woke up from my procedure.  I asked my husband how many eggs they retrieved, and he replied “four.” He said that I started crying and fell back to sleep, and proceeded to wake up, ask him the same question, cry when I heard the answer, and fall back  to sleep, several more times.  It turns out that when my hysterectomy was performed, the surgeon transposed my ovaries to move them away from my pelvis in the event I ever needed radiation.  Apparently this is a common thing to do, but it reduces the blood flow to the ovaries and therefore resulted in me only producing four retrievable eggs, despite the egg stimulating drugs that I used for three weeks.  In addition, our fertility doctor had to go through my abdomen to retrieve the eggs, when the procedure is normally done vaginally.  Of the four eggs retrieved, one was empty, and one didn’t fertilize normally, leaving only two viable embryos to transfer to Lisa’s uterus, which is what the fertility doctor did three days later, on April 18.  Lisa was awake and it took all of five minutes.  I saw the embryos in a microscope before the procedure, and held Lisa’s hand during the transfer. As we sat in the procedure room for the 10 minutes after transfer with Lisa’s legs elevated, Lisa was adamant that one of the embryos had “stuck.” She willed it so. Lisa was on bed rest for the next two days, during which time we brought her meals and kept her company in the hotel room we had reserved for her.  

Per the terms of our agreement, Lisa received her first payment after the embryo transfer, called a “transfer fee” from the escrow account that we had set up during our fertility treatment cycle.   There are certain triggers for non-refundable payments to be released from the escrow account to the surrogate: upon embryo transfer, upon a positive pregnancy blood test, and each month of pregnancy thereafter, with the balance released to the surrogate upon delivery of the baby.  The surrogate also gets paid an agreed upon monthly amount for her living expenses (and in our case she also received a gas reimbursement) which you can choose to include in the escrow funds or pay it directly like we did.  If the pregnancy fails, the surrogate keeps all monies already paid but the remainder of the fee stays in the escrow account or gets released to the parents, depending on what has been agreed to about “trying again.”  

This brings up some extremely important points about the agreement.  The intended parents and the surrogate have to agree on several moral issues which are then written in to the agreement.  For example, in the event there are multiples, and the intended parents want to “selectively reduce” (or abort) the number of embryos that the surrogate will carry to term, the surrogate needs to be okay with that.  If birth defects are detected or are likely and the intended parents want to terminate the pregnancy, the surrogate has to agree (the agreement can get as specific as the surrogate agreeing that she agrees to termination during the first trimester if the parents so request, but not later, and the intended parents have to agree to this condition, or find another surrogate who will not impose that condition on termination).  What if the intended parents get divorced or die during the surrogate’s pregnancy?  There are provisions in the agreement that deal with those scenarios and just about any other that you can think of! 

After the embryo transfer, we had exactly two weeks to wait until the blood test would tell us if we were pregnant.  Two very long weeks.  I knew Lisa well enough by now, to know that she wasn’t going to be able to wait for the blood test and was going to take a home pregnancy test.  We agreed that no matter what the result of the home test was, she would wait to tell me until our doctor appointment/blood test.  Waiting was better than knowing that she just wasn’t telling me because she had a negative test result.  During the next two weeks, Lisa kept telling me that her boobs hurt and that she was “really tired.”  I was jumping out of my skin because of course I was wondering if she was dropping hints for me, or if I was just reading into her statements what I wanted so much to believe; that “we” were pregnant.  On the morning of our blood test, Lisa, my husband and I all arrived at the fertility clinic’s building at the same time.  As we were waiting for the elevator, Lisa asked me how I was feeling.  I told her that I felt sick to my stomach.  I asked Lisa how she was feeling (more importantly), and she said “Like this!” and proceeded to whip the “pee stick” out from her purse and show me the “plus” sign.  I broke into tears and just about knocked her over hugging her.  Then I heard my husband asking us “Is it positive?”  Men are always the last to know.  Of course the doctor said that it had to be confirmed by the blood test (as the nurse winked at us and said that the positive home test result was probably accurate).  Three hours later, we had lab confirmation of the pregnancy.  We were four weeks pregnant (at the time of embryo transfer, it is already considered two weeks into a pregnancy though anyone who has conceived through “normal” means probably wouldn’t have even missed a period yet).  There was a small chance that both embryos had “stuck” because Lisa’s HCG levels were initially very high, but when Lisa had the second blood test two days later, she had leveled off and the doctor thought that multiples were unlikely. 

Emilie 3D 001

I thought waiting the two weeks between embryo transfer and beta blood test was difficult.  Then we had to wait two weeks for the next appointment (six weeks into pregnancy), to find out if there was a heartbeat, or “flicker.” Nothing audible yet, but on the ultrasound it looks like a tiny flame.  If there is no heartbeat, they terminate the pregnancy.  Game over.  Try again in a few months.  Of course, I didn’t have any leftover embryos frozen and waiting for us, so we would really have to start over from the beginning if something went wrong.  Let’s talk about stress.  However, almost immediately after the doctor began his examination of Lisa, he said, “There it is!  There’s the flicker! Can you see it?”  Our wonderful doctor was so excited for us, and my husband and I just started crying.  We had both been holding our breath.  Another hurdle conquered, four more weeks to go until we “graduated” from the fertility doctor to the ob/gyn, which occurs at about 10 weeks.  During the next four weeks and four doctor visits, we saw healthy and normal growth of the embryo, and Lisa was still being given progesterone, which mimics the role of the placenta until the placenta is developed and takes over.  If you conceive naturally, your body does this itself.   

At 10 weeks, we saw the fertility doctor for the last time and made an appointment with my ob/gyn.  Lisa didn’t have a regular ob/gyn so we agreed that she would see mine for her prenatal visits and he would deliver my baby. At this appointment, my doctor advised me that Lisa should get either a CVS (at approximately 11 weeks) or an amniocentesis (at approximately 16 weeks).  Many people asked me why we had to do one of these tests since Lisa was only 28.  Well, Lisa was carrying my baby, from my egg, which was 40 years old!  My father (the doctor referred to earlier in this story) didn’t want Lisa to have the CVS due to the risk of miscarriage.  The risk is extremely low, but the risk of miscarriage with amnio is almost zero.  For obvious reasons, Lisa wanted to have the CVS at 11 weeks and not wait to have the amnio at 16 weeks.  For obvious reasons, my husband and I agreed with Lisa.  My father, however, scared me enough that we decided to wait and have the amnio.  What if the CVS caused a miscarriage?  How would I recover from that, knowing it was avoidable?  The chances of the baby having something wrong weren’t very high given my medical and family history.  So we waited. 

In the meantime, Lisa had the first trimester ultrasounds, measurements and blood work at 12 weeks.  All was progressing normally.  We started telling everyone who didn’t already know, that we were expecting a baby on January 6, 2010.  When I say that we told people who didn’t already know what we had been doing, this was a small number.  Everyone close to us already knew.  My husband and I didn’t hide our circumstances and our friends and family were great sources of support for us.  Yes, it would have been difficult to tell everyone if we had bad news at any point in the process, but it was so rewarding to be able to share each step and if things had gone wrong, we would have been surrounded by love to help us get through it.  

At approximately 16 weeks, Lisa had the amnio.  Waiting the 10 days for these results was worse than anything so far.  Our baby was a girl and she had arms, legs, eyes, nose, fingers and toes (we found out the sex at the exam prior to the amnio).  I got the call at 5:00 on a Friday night.  The amnio results were “normal.” I broke down (in a good way).  This was really the last hurdle we had to get through and now we could “relax” and prepare for the arrival of our daughter.  Correction, I thought we could relax.  There was so much to do!  Starting with selling our one bedroom condo and finding a new house… 

Part Five coming soon, so be sure to check back regularly. Please feel free to share your own experiences below.