Join us for Part Two of Neyonce’s “New Usual”
It’s been 400+ days post D-Day (the day of my tragic insurmountable loss) and it’s been 21+ days since I’ve welcomed and accepted my transition into ‘my new usual’ life. While the debilitating pain caused by this loss has ceased (thank goodness, because I am one more ugly cry away from requiring artificial tears and a set of false eyelashes for the remainder of my years) and the varying intervals of sorrow, sadness, anger and agony have substantially faded into a distant memory of my past, I cannot honestly say that every day has been easy or filled with sweet California sunshine. Reluctantly, I’ve learned to accept that this is completely normal and a natural part of the transition to a ‘new usual’ and anything I want (or ever hope for or dream of).
Despite my newfound acceptance and will to move forward toward something new, some days the reminders and hurt of my past make it hard for me to rock the sunny deposition and rose-colored Kate Spade sunglasses that my fierce alter ego would require of me. I’ve learned to not view this as a setback or U-turn on my journey to ‘my new usual’ life. Instead, I’ve learned to view this as a growth opportunity to work toward filling heels the likes of Sasha Fierce. For me, the key learning here has been that the transition into a ‘new usual’ does not always equate to instantaneous infinite happiness like we wish it did (at least not always right away. You have to work for it. Yup, more work). Again, for me this doesn’t mean failure, this just means I haven’t grown into and settled into ‘my new usual’ yet (like with any good pair of heels, it can take some time to break in and feel comfortable). There will be growing pains (again, like with any good pair of heels), but once I’ve overcome those I’ll be rocking a lifestyle that Sasha Fierce could proudly belt out a Grammy award-winning anthem to.
At this point the question then becomes, “How do I overcome the growing pains of transitioning into a ‘new usual’ (so I can feel normal again)?” The short answer for me has been creating a new dream to strive for, fight for and fixate on. I’ve stayed focused on this dream through constant visualization (to the extent I’ve nearly convinced myself the daydreams are my reality. A little cray cray, I know) and positive thoughts around how good my new heels (lifestyle) will look on me and how good I’ll look and feel once I’ve overcome these growing pains.
Outside of the continued support of friends and family, what I have found remains the most important to me on my journey is continuing to feed the strength, courage and desire I harnessed 21+ days ago in welcoming and accepting my transition to ‘my new usual’ life. I accomplish this by feeding myself with eternal hope, lofty goals and fairytale dreams. Today (21+ days in), I hope for and dream of:
· Possessing the strength and courage to move forward and succeed.
· Having trust and faith in ‘my new usual’.
· Direction + Guidance in navigating ‘my new usual’.
· Learning to self-love and embrace the new me.
· New beginnings and happy endings.
Over these past 400+ days (of loss) and into these 21+ days (of transition) I’ve collected quotes and sayings that have allowed me build up the strength and courage necessary to dive head first into the fight for living out my lofty goals and fairytale dreams. With the mindset of staying focused on these dreams through visualization, I’ve printed these quotes and sayings that remind me of my dreams (for a small fee of $0.16. Thank you Shutterfly) and displayed them in my home. They remind me of my journey and my will to push through any growing pains necessary to accomplish my dreams.
When the growing pains drive me to feel achy or weak, I stand in front of this wall in my home and take in all the wisdom, hopefulness and encouragement from the quotes and sayings of those like MLK, Maya Angelou or random Instagrammers. It shows me that I am not the only one who has overcome loss, dug deep for strength, created new dreams successfully or harnessed my same desires. With this display, I have put out into my mind (my home, and the universe) that these quotes and sayings that represent my dreams will manifest themselves into reality and come back to me.
Forever hoping and dreaming,
Neyonce (part of my healing was a adopting a fierce alter ego. Thanks Queen B).
Follow Neyonce’s journey on MyNewUsual. If you have a “New Usual” you would like to share with us, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.