Holiday Grief: How to Get Through It

Our Tips on Honoring Loved Ones, Setting Boundaries and Taking Care of Yourself

The holidays are always tough when grieving a great loss. It doesn’t matter what kind of grief it is; it’s still hard. Maybe you are missing a loved one. Or you are moving from one phase of life to another. Or perhaps you have lost something that was really meaningful. Whatever way you slice it, the holidays can bring up emotions you didn’t know you had or pop up at the most surprising times.

Honoring Loved Ones

If you are missing a loved one, it helps to find a way to include them in your celebrations. Here are a few ideas:

• Cook their signature dish
• Light a candle for them in your window, on your holiday table, or at church
• Set a seat for them at the dinner table
• Volunteer for those in need in their name
• Adopt a family in their name
• Hang ornaments on the tree with their photo or name
• Keep up a tradition they started

The simplest way to honor someone might be to do the things you loved the most about them. Or to do the same things they did for others. In our home, we put up a Christmas tree in our living room with all the ornaments my mother had, just the way she did it. Some quiet evenings, I sit and gaze at its beauty and remember all the wonderful things about her.

To honor my grandmothers, I bake and cook many of the famous treats and dishes each of my grandmothers was known for and share them with our neighbors and friends. I’ve made photo ornaments of my husband’s dear ones and hung them on our family room tree. And finally, sharing stories and laughing about the good times when they were here make us all feel better.

Find What Works for You

Everyone may have an opinion on how they deal with grief and will want to share it with you. Figuring out what works for you personally is the key to surviving it. You never know what can trigger your grief. It often surprises you. Someone may say something innocently, or you hear a song or see a commercial that reminds you of them. It’s okay to give in to your feelings. Everyone grieves in their own way, on their own timeline. We as observers must take care not to judge or compare. Grieving is different for each individual and there is no right or wrong way to do it.

How to Help Yourself

You can always plan in advance how to handle an upcoming situation that might upset you. If someone keeps bringing up something painful, simply say “I appreciate the thought,” smile, and change the subject. If you need to remove yourself, figure out how to do that. Leave the room for a moment to collect yourself, that’s perfectly okay. And if you need to cry it out, do that. Sitting with your grief for a bit is not a bad thing. It helps to set a time limit. Allow yourself a specific timeframe to sit in your sadness. Perhaps talking to a trusted friend or counselor will help to ease your pain. Support groups are great places to connect with people going through the exact same thing.

Be Kind to Yourself

Most importantly, take care of yourself. It’s okay to put yourself first in these moments. You don’t have to be strong all the time. Perhaps scheduling an afternoon where you can do something you enjoy or have some quiet time alone will help you handle the weight of it. Distracting yourself with exercise or getting outside in nature may alleviate symptoms of depression thanks to mood-boosting endorphins. Meanwhile, pay attention to the things that help, so you can add those tools to your grief management toolbox.

Roll with It

Finally, grief is like the ocean. The waves may rise and engulf you, but they eventually spill over and move on. It’s okay to handle your grief in your own way. You may find yourself creating a new tradition or discovering something that makes it easier to get through the holidays (or any other time of year) that’s meaningful. Do it your way, in your time.

Find us on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram. Find other personal stories here on MyNewUsual.